Naruto Knows Lonely
by morgan allayne
Summary: Does Inari really know what its like to be lonely?


Naruto knows lonely

The boy, Inari, is crying again. I can't remember if I have ever cried as much as he does, I suppose I did once, when I thought it would help, but I learned it changed nothing when I was much younger than him.

"What's wrong?" like it changed between the last time he cried and now. He's too naïve to have learned by now, you can't keep crying over the same issue forever.

"Why do you wear yourself out trying? No matter how hard you try, you'll never be a match for Gato's thugs! You act all cook, and you talk all tough, but big strong guys like that are always too much for people weaker than they are. They'll destroy you!" he yells, the room echoing with silence when he finished.

I can't take the silence, never could, so I broke it. "Shut up! I'm not you and I'm not gonna lose." I can't lose, because if I lose, I die and I can't die yet.

The boy isn't done yelling yet, and I'm tempted to ignore him like I do most people yelling at me, but he's special, because he's yelling but not trying to hurt mo, so I listen to see what's different. "Just watching you ticks me off!" Nothing new there. "You go running your mouth when you don't know a thing! This isn't your town! And you don't know a thing about me! You're always clowning round and having fun. You don't know a thing about suffering or loneliness or what my life is like!"

I look up then, surprised, and I know I shouldn't say anything but I have to. "This is lonely?" I can't help but wonder what he'd call my life if he calls his lonely.

"See! You don't even know what loneliness is! It's-"

"It's when you see everyone around you smiling at each other and laughing until they see you, leaving only loneliness in the silence and anger at you for coming and destroying the fun. It's when the people who see you fall are more likely to kick you down again when you're getting up than to help you up. It's when you're spit on for smiling, but that's better than being ignored when you're crying, especially after just watching a kid older then you cry and get a flock of help. You don't know me any more then I know you, but I will tell you, loneliness is when everyone around you wouldn't even look at you if you screamed."

I've drop my smile, and look serious. I know it scares them, especially my egocentric teammates who should have done their research after they became my teammates, but obviously didn't. I just stand up and leave, shaking my head. "Loneliness is when, no matter how much you try, no one will even look at you, and kid? You've got at least two people who will." Outside, I slip under the deck and stick there upside down through the chakra exercise and wonder what might have happened if … I can't think of him, mustn't think of him. I close my eyes and welcome the darkness and focus on breathing.

Some time later, I'm aware of Kakashi and Inari talking. "Was what he said true? Do people really treat him like that?"

A sigh and a deeper, muffled voice, "they treat him worse now. That was when he was a child. He's counted as an adult now, so he's more likely to be greeted with a kunai then spat on, but it's still attention, ne?"

A gasping sob, a child's voice cracking in sorrow, their innocence broken. "Why?"

"When he was born, his family died, along with many others. Stupid people think that if it took so many lives to bring him into the world, if they take him out, it will bring them back or allow more children to enter the world."

"What… What do you think he's doing now?"

"Training."

"How? If I were him I'd be crying after reliving that."

"He's not reliving it, he's still living it. Maybe when it's just a memory he'll cry, but in all the time I've known him, I've never seen him cry. Or use his troubles as an excuse to sulk or be a coward. Not once. He always tries his hardest, hoping someone will notice and give him a kind word or a pat on the back. That's his dream and he's risked his life for it. I think one day he must have just gotten fed up with crying. He understands what it means to be strong. He knows what it costs and what it's worth. He understands you and how you feel better than the rest of us. He can't leave you alone because you've gotten under his skin. He hasn't dropped his mask in years, and conversation with you has it gone."

"Why doesn't he cry then?"

"What good would it do him? He could cry until he dies of dehydration, and it still wouldn't change anything. He fights pain with laughs and betrayal with a knowing smile, because he doesn't expect loyalty to last."

"Why did he become a ninja if he's so certain of being betrayed?"

I answer because I know kakashi can't explain it right. "I heard once that to live the life of a ninja is to live a life of pain. I figured since I already live a life of pain, it might as well be for a good reason. Good night."

I leave, not wanting to listen anymore. Betrayal and pain are the only things I've been given, but it hurts most that the one thing I thought would never hurt me, decided I wasn't important at all. So I smile, knowing no one cares and nothing will change that, and there was no point trying to do otherwise.

I need to be strong, for myself, or he would win. And I never want to see him win again.


End file.
